Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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