Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
