I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
