I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
