His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
