Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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