So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
