god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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