I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
