I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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