hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
