To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
