I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
