mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
