brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
