Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
