Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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