after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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