enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
