Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
