I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
how drunk are you?
Several
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
