We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
