I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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