I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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