Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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