my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
