maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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