I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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