Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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