She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
