taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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