i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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