You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
