my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
