Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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