remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
