We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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