I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
