It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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