is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
