If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
