You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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