We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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