I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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