Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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