So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
