When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
