so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
