I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
