hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
