I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
