I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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