ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
